A swing and a miss!  Heidi Montag from The Hills was supposed to be naked in this month’s issue of Playboy, but instead she managed to keep her clothes on for the most part.  According to TMZ, she told the photographer “no nipples, no vagina, no ass” during the shoot.  Well, we got one shot of her ass, which is the only picture worth posting.  Peep it after the jump, only if you’re over 18.